Life + Home

Logistics and Heartache

When your first child relocates

I’m no stranger to relocation. I’ve moved across the country and internationally, and back again. I’ve also said teary goodbyes to friends when they’ve moved out of state. It’s never easy to watch someone you love leave, knowing your relationship will change because of the distance.

But this time, it hits differently.

This time, I’m doing it as a mom, and it’s stirring up all kinds of feelings. It’s reminding me of how I felt each time I moved or watched a friend depart.

A new chapter begins.

My oldest daughter, Audrey, is getting ready to move to Wisconsin for her first professional job. She’ll be there for at least a year, maybe longer. Audrey has been to Wisconsin, and so have I, which makes it a little easier. I can picture where she’ll be living.

That said, it’s hard to imagine her being so far away. I won’t be able to drive there to visit her the way I could when she was in college in North Carolina. If there’s an emergency or she needs me, I’ll have to jump on a plane and rent a car to get to her.

I know Audrey is ready for this transition and will thrive in her new job. I also know what it’s like to move away from home to a place where you don’t know very many people.

After I graduated from college, I relocated to San Francisco. My sister joined me for part of the cross-country drive, but for the last few days of the journey, I was alone. I still remember driving over the Bay Bridge with a mix of nervous excitement and trepidation.

Moving across the country in my early twenties was a bold and risky endeavor. I felt drawn to the Bay Area, and it became my home for many years. But those first few months were challenging. I didn’t know how I would make enough money to support myself or where I would live after my sublet ended.

Leaving Massachusetts for the West Coast in my early twenties was a leap of faith in myself. It taught me that I could support myself, even if it meant working multiple jobs. I made lifelong friends and built a career.

It also helped me become resilient and strong, which has enabled me to do things most people only dream of, like moving to another country and becoming a REALTOR®.

Those are strengths I hope both of my daughters will develop as they pursue their own careers and create lives of their own.

That said, relocating is both a wonderful and exhausting experience. You have to learn where everything is, adjust to a different culture, build new routines, and make new friends.

Maeve’s big brother Ollie tried to come along and provide emotional support.

Because I know firsthand what that’s like, I can help make Audrey’s move as seamless as possible. I’m making the drive with her and her dog, Maeve, and I’ll be there for the first few days to help her get settled.

But I can’t prepare her for the goodbye. I can’t prepare her for the loneliness that might hit once I’m gone.

And I can’t fully prepare her for the incredible personal growth that will come with it, either.

Big moves are tough. My last major move was to Chapel Hill 17 years ago. At that point, I was a mom with two small children.

At first, I didn’t think I’d ever assimilate. The culture shock was overwhelming. I missed my Bay Area friends and wasn’t sure I’d ever truly fit in.

Now, I can’t imagine leaving North Carolina or the supportive community I’ve built around my family.